Time to talk about the P- Word.

No, not your password, not poop, not p-a-r-k that we parents of over eager pets or small children carefully spell out lest we get instant mayhem.  It’s the word that has broken down our society, robbed our youth of their innocence, crushed marriages, created avenues for more child abuse and sickeningly a thriving disgusting industry of destruction, devastation and shame. Yes. I’m talking about pornography.

I thought I had satisfied this topic in my blog on addiction, but after a week that felt like every other counseling session or conversation I was in somehow landed in this area, I felt the all too familiar inner tug and flashing title land in my face on my ride home one evening and I knew - yep, ok Holy Spirit. Let’s go. 

What’s going on with us? How did this horrible world of fake, manipulated, sexual perversion become this all encompassing, soul destroying multi billion dollar industry? How? This blog is not meant to shame the men and women caught in the snare of this incredibly sticky and unforgiving spider web. This is not some Bible thumping thou shalt not- although I will absolutely be going into God's word in the event any passerby reader has the sorry misconception that this is some “safer” more acceptable option of sexual behavior compared to other “worse” actions. This is a conversation. I invite you to stop, give a really honest moment and think about what this underworld of lust is doing to our society- and prayerfully- cause you to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. 

I don’t know where this pornography world/business got started - but I do know that we humans are sexual beings. God made us to enjoy one another in pleasure IN the context and confines of marriage- between a man and a woman. ANY form of sexual ANYthing outside of that original design is a counterfeit, a cheap substitute and comes with a load of mental and emotional — and if you’re not super careful — physical consequences. So whether we’re talking about sex outside of marriage, pornography, masturbation, or just lusting after a man or woman that isn’t yours - it’s wrong. But we know what’s happening - the mass exposure of these subtle and explicit attempts on our biological urges through the ONSLAUGHT of social media, TV commercials, ads everywhere, the language and content of our TV shows, everything everything everything is laced with sex- as if that’s all that matters about us. 

Then we complicate matters with our messy childhoods, areas of neglect, trauma, abuse, emotional abandonment, insecurity, loneliness, aimlessness, premature sexual exposure (abuse) and there you have it- the perfect recipe for disaster. This industry preys on our vulnerabilities, capitalizes on unhealed areas, boredom and impatience. It’s a sick slippery sticky slope downward with nothing but empty promises of fulfillment and fruitless hamster wheel pursuits of nothingness — and bonus, you’re never satisfied. What you are guaranteed is a life of regret, guilt, shame, ruined relationships, broken marriages, and a false narrative of what sex is. It’s crippling our world, breaking our boys, cheapening our girls and yet we fall prey SO easily. Why? Because we need Jesus. 

People of God- or whoever you are reading this- we cannot use our biology as an excuse. We soothe our consciences saying these sexual urges are natural. We pacify our guilt with watered down perspectives. We’re needy creatures with insatiable appetites without Jesus– without the power of the Holy Spirit. I am NOT speaking from a place of perfection. Although I can say with sincerity I have never watched pornography, I absolutely have experienced lust and know what it is to test those waters that quickly turn to rapids if you’re not careful. No one is immune to these temptations– but no one gets a free pass either. God has made a way of escape for every form of sin and snare, but we have to WANT to let Him lead. We truly have to come to a place of such reckless abandon and trust in Him that we are willing to crucify our flesh- daily, hourly, by the minute- to submit to HIS authority that says this is wrong. We have to love HIM and the future He has promised us if we walk in obedience MORE than we love our own bodies, our own desires. Are we there? We have to be willing to submit to maximum accountability, shut ALL access points, RUN as fast as we can in the opposite direction of our weaknesses and bury ourselves in the arms of Jesus- the only place of safety. But this would take first actually believing, to your core, that this is wrong, and it is a masochistic game of Russian roulette with your God-given life. Are you willing to die to self and live in Christ? Are you willing to swallow your pride, make that phone call, set that appointment and sit in that therapy chair and address what is at the core of your addiction? Is it loneliness, fear, aimlessness, insecurity, low self esteem? Is it the deep brokenness of your sense of worth and value such that you would even be attracted to looking at another man,  woman (or child’s) naked body and derive pleasure from their pain? Because clearly NO ONE in their true right and healthy mind would subject themselves to be viewed in this way without also being so painfully broken and brutalized on the inside. I don't care HOW dressed up they are, how “willing” they seem– they’re NOT. They’re hurting and they hate their lives and they feel trapped- just.like.you. 

There is hope, my brother, my sister. There IS hope. I am being brought to tears as I write this. I know you’re hurting. I know you’re ashamed. I know you may feel like it's this or nothing. It’s this phone, this video, this magazine, this conjured up lustful image or just an abyss of loneliness, rejection and isolation. The devil is A LIAR! You hear me?! He’s a stinking, awful, filthy LIAR and he is capitalizing on your isolated shame and unhealed wounds. Don’t think you’re exempt if you can’t trail your porn addiction back to some horrific sexual abuse as a child or some other obvious source. Just growing up in all-tech all day America with the slightest lack of accountability and transparency around these snares is sufficient fodder. Just a slightly longer than usual timeline without dating, without some sexual encounter in a world that makes sex and sexual identity synonymous with one’s WORTH (my GOD do we have it wrong!) and you’re susceptible. A little too much alone time with your phone with some corrupt conversation, and a seed is sown. It takes next to nothing. BUT– the same way those subtleties took root, they can be removed and replaced. How? I’ll show you. 

1. GET MOVING! What did the old folks used to say? Idle time is the devil’s workshop. One of the things I had to learn to do when I started to struggle with lust was to MOVE. DON'T sit or lay there and let the thoughts, images, and urges linger. Get out of your dark room, your bathroom, your dorm room and move. Do some push ups, go walk, take a cold shower, put worship music on and pray, call a friend, RUN! What makes the thought stronger is your time and attention. Refuse to let it linger and move yourself out of your physical position- don't accommodate the lust. 

   
   

2. GET HONEST & GET HELP! Talk to a TRUSTED friend that will NOT advise you to just give in or normalize the struggle out of their own refusal to address it as a problem. Get into therapy and dig deep. WHY is this finding a place to rest in your soul and mind? What needs are you trying to meet? What thirst are you trying to quench with these distorted reality images? What need for family, acceptance, sense of belonging or desirability are you trying to manufacture? What loneliness and despondence are you trying to satiate? What’s broken inside? Without addressing the root cause, a cold shower alone will never do the trick. 

   
   

3. GET ACCOUNTABLE! Beyond the professional support of 1:1 or group therapy–which exists specifically for this addiction (and it IS an addiction just like being addicted to food, drugs or alcohol, don't get it twisted) remember there is strength in numbers. You won’t be able to call your therapist at 3am when disaster tries to strike, but you should  have family or friends who know the journey you are on, won’t judge you but will be ready to stand in the gap for you as you pursue wholeness. You can text or call them, or if you’re married, lean into your spouse, to let them know the thoughts and urges that are surfacing. This level of raw exposure CRIPPLES the thoughts and you’re instantly in a more powerful position. 

   
   

4. GET BUSY! Why are you on the planet? To watch little girls or boys or grown men and women touch each other and get a rise out of it—-over and over and over again? Is that why God put you here on this earth? NO! You will behave differently when you are rooted in your larger purpose and fulfillment is STRONG in your life. I heard a pastor say “identity determines behavior.” When you KNOW you are a gifted, powerful, purpose driven man or woman with a destiny brighter than the sun and you’re CLEAR about what God has gifted you to do before you die, you treat time with more respect. You treat your body and mind with more dignity. You think before you speak or act because IT MATTERS- you matter! When you’re not rooted in purpose, you’re reckless. Nothing to live for, nothing to anchor your worth to but these repeated fruitless actions– no sense of obligation beyond your own temporary cyclical self “satisfaction.” That’s a slippery slide to nowhere fast. Get on your face before God and get clarity on YOUR Big Why. What question were you born as the answer to? What gifts and talents were you meant to leave here? What books are you called to write or songs to sing? What children are you called to RAISE to be powerhouses on this earth? GET BUSY with your purpose and the selfish, stunted self stimulation routine will get duller and duller by the minute in light of your divine purpose. 

   
   

I hope this all helped to encourage you, motivate you, correct you if needed, and empower you to live by a much more powerful P-word: PURPOSE, not porn. Don’t let yourself be cheapened by the enemy’s lies that this is the only way to find fulfillment, hope and satisfaction. He can ONLY lie, so you already know if that's what he is promising, the opposite is true. We will conclude with nothing but the Word. Take these scriptures to heart, memorize them, repeat them, LIVE them, chase after your wholeness and peace with a newfound sense of urgency. There is hope and healing in Jesus. Hand this over to Him-your life depends on it. 

“But if we freely admit our sins when his light uncovers them, he will be faithful to forgive us every time. God is just to forgive us our sins because of Christ and he will continue to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9

ADDITIONAL BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES BY CATEGORY

No, I won’t be writing them all out. You’ll know how serious you are about pursuing healing and Godliness by your own efforts to look these scriptures up and asking God to make His Word come alive to you in this season. If you feel like a certain scripture leaps off the page to you– its FOR you! 

What God has to say about Sexual Sin and temptation

• 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, 1 Corinthians 6: 9-20

• Colossians 3: 5-11, 17

• Hebrews 13:4

• Proverbs 6:32

• Matthew 5:8, 28-30

• James 1:13-15

• John 8:34-36

• Galatians 5:13, 19-26

• Titus 1:15-16

• Luke 11:34-36

• 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8

• Mark 7:20-23

• Ephesians 5:3-6

  
  

What God has to say about Purposeful pursuit of holiness & Your new life in Christ

• 1 Corinthians 6: 9-20

• Galatians 2:20

• Matthew 5:8, 28-30

• Philippians 4:8

• Proverbs 20:11, Proverbs 4:23

• Psalm 51:7-10, Psalms 119:9, 37

• Romans 6:1-14, Romans 12:2, Romans 13:11-14

• 1 Timothy 6:11, 2 Timothy 2:21-22

• 1 Peter 1:14-16, 1 Peter 4:1-4, 1 Peter 5:8-11

• James 4:7-8

• Numbers 32:23

• 1 Chronicles 16:11

• Job 31:1-3

  
  

Resources:

• Podcast: Pure Desire      

• Website: Unchained Leader